Are Self-Help Books actually helpful?
- jasminepassey15
- Jul 1
- 10 min read
by Jasmine Dayton
Are Self Help Books Actually Helpful?
Throughout centuries in history, human beings have had the innate drive to improve ourselves. To live better lives in whatever society we are in. In recent years one genre has increasingly become one of the most frequently studied subjects in the book universe; self help. In 2020 sales increased by 20%, quickly becoming the most successful non-fiction genre compared to years past. With an increase in popularity for hustle culture, corporate baddies, and more; productivity has caught the interests of people of all ages worldwide. Including me.
So if there are so many books out there to help me find the magic formula to fix my life, why do I still feel its falling apart. Are we not applying what we have learned, is all of it just to make a quick buck, or is the system that is set up already designed to fail the very people it is trying to help.
The Same Promise
Having spent years immersed in numerous self-help books, a compelling pattern has emerged. Regardless of the specific focus—be it Marie Kondo's approach to decluttering, launching a passion-driven business, or simply establishing consistent habits—each self-help book essentially offers the same core promise.
This book will work for anyone.
That may seem like a given, it's a selling point. Of course people are going to want to be told that this really does work. Otherwise why bother spending the money and time reading it. No matter your age, gender, experience, or financial background, it will work for YOU.
And they give you a step by step process of how to make this happen. And again regardless of the subject or difference in opinions of how to get there - is also the same formula. And it only takes three steps
Give me $$ for this secret formula of happiness that only I know based on my expertise and experience. This can be in the form of paying for the actual book and perhaps even getting on board with extra courses to gain even more elite knowledge
Follow my instructions - which falls into two categories of work hard or work differently
See results and attribute them to my instructions and the cycle continues of revenue for the self helper
Based on what I have explained previously, what I am about to say may seem ironic but stay with me. From this pattern I have seen in several self help books - I can understand why despite people reading books from cover to cover and doing their best so many of them don’t work. And it’s because from the get go, their promise falls apart.
This can work for everyone
Simply put there are very few things in this world that are one size fits all. And this is no exception. So why make this empty promise? Is it something that the authors are simply naive about based on their own biased perspectives? Is there a sense of bravado or feeling like these self help authors have it all figured out? Or are their intentions more sinister?
Bias
For this section let's take a step back from the actual contents of self help books and look at demographics of who is running this genre in the first place. In the self help genre - ⅔ of books have been written by men. But oddly enough there is a far higher readership of women versus than men.
But it isn’t just women who are seeing a disparity. In the self help industry there appears to be little to no representation for marginalized, including but not limited to people who are:
Of Color
Neurodivergent
Disabled
Queer
And Poor
Looking at a basic search for the top self help gurus the top ten results reveal that the majority of representation is white men with the exception of one white woman. Don’t worry I’m going to have a tangent on that as well. And two Indian guys. So well done kudos to them, that was pleasant to see. But that doesn’t disprove my overwhelming point, especially when I click for more results. Yep. Everyone else is white with a handful of white women. But to put this into perspective 76% of the people on this list are men and out of those 76% of men 87% of them are white.
Books that work well for marginalized groups are slim and you really have to go searching down the list to find any sort of other representation. But oddly enough it didn’t always used to be this way.
The first pieces of evidence of self help could be found in ancient Egypt. This literature was called Sebayit - defined as words of wisdom mainly reserved for the middle class and the educated since they knew how to read. Other civilizations like Ancient Greece and Rome were not shy in sharing philosophies of how people could reach enlightenment. In the Middle Ages Kings were encouraged by royal courts to read Mirror-of-Princes books to help gain popularity with their people being benevolent leaders.
In 1455 there was a huge shift in the production of books. printing presses became more publicly accessible, thereby making reading and books more accessible. Hooray everyone gets self help books now!
And towards the beginning of the 19th century the self help genre boomed but not in the hyper individualistic version that we often see in western culture now.
From seeking moral character within primarily religious spaces following examples from prophets, teachers, and deities. To the rise of building better societies beyond the reach of bureaucrats beginning the rise of socialism. I know, who knew self help led to so many pipelines?
In this same time period it was also popular to read books on how to represent yourself well in society such as fashion, weight loss, parenting, making it the closest comparison to self help today. But once again it has circled back to the elites of before, being written by those of privilege in seemingly every circumstance to tell us that it is easy to be them if you just shut up, sit down and listen.
Arrogance
With the assumption that there are some people who write self help who simply cannot see past their own bias there is also the darker side of self help that seems intentionally unhelpful. Almost like people knowing the vicious cycle people get stuck in and relying on that to make their money. And this can be defined by what I call the three arrogant archetypes.
#1 The Alpha Male
There is no question the authors of self help books have recently been dominated by white men. And there can be the argument that of course they have control of the subject, they seem to have control over any lucrative space based on privilege. But in some cases I think there is another spectrum to this. The Manosphere.
In my opinion, men rarely get into the manosphere already having the hard opinions that line up with the manosphere. While I believe there are seeds planted throughout male examples in men's life and simply in the environment they grow up in I have noticed that there is a very strong dichotomy of self help being specifically for men being a pipeline in to the manosphere
It often starts off innocently, focusing on physique or how to become more likeable for future romantic partners. And there are several theories set in place that focus on accountability. WHile there are certainly some platforms that do encourage men to take responsibility for the benefit of improvement - other influential voices feel this isn’t the answer. This isn’t something they’re doing wrong, this is an outside force happening to them.
And once emotionally vulnerable men get hooked on this idea- the manosphere can begin to twist their minds, often taking the shape of an “it's not you - it's them mentality”. The Self-help industry doesn't just target men, however. Women are susceptible too.
#2 The “You Go Girl” Girl
On the flip side women can be just as deceiving but for different reasons. All of the books that I see written by primarily white women seem to have the same attitude. The pandering “you can do it” or “skies the limit” so sweet, so encouraging and so motivating right? But why do I as a woman feel down about myself and insecure in the first place?
This influence that women have with other women in the self help industry sounds an awful lot like the magazines I used to read of how to make my body irresistible for men. Or the diet I should eat to be the skinniest girl I knew. Or what fashion was now “in” and how it was crucial for me to get the newest trend to otherwise be discarded as a social pariah.
Western culture imposes constant sexist expectations on women, and the self-help industry seems like another way to profit from their insecurities. But surely not all self help books are trying to get money off of you. In fact there are so many self help books trying to help you be the person to make money. Introducing -
#3 The Get Rich Quick Guru
Another huge portion of their self help which deserves an archetype all on its own is get rich quick. Get your startup to reach a million dollars in 90 days. Rags to riches stories are enticing, even if they seem rightfully unreasonable.
Which begs the question - is the only way that you can achieve happiness or value in life, being rich? Speaking as someone from the lower middle class I understand that while money doesn’t buy happiness it certainly buys freedom. But that is not what most self help books are selling here. And the kicker is - there is never a made it moment. It almost seems like it is never enough because it never will be enough unless you reach heights beyond Felon Musk. Sorry Pee lon musk sorry cyber truck, sorry … you know who I’m talking about.
But again we circle back to the false promise of this “working for everyone”. Regardless of the hard set rules that economics and finances follow - if it worked for everyone, everyone would already be well off.
And for arguments sake let's say that I as someone in the middle classes perhaps a bit more well off than I am right now follows this to a tee, perhaps I can make it to six figures but its certainly not going to be quick because, one, I am not going to take the risks that a lot of these people have because I don't have a financial safety net to fall back on. And two, becoming an overnight success is not realistic. Yet we keep buying into the idea and making not your dreams come true of making money - but theirs.
But what if it works?
So here we are towards the end of the video with overwhelming evidence of how self help is not helpful. Enough evidence that it may seem like a loss cause. But before you throw your motivation to living the life you’ve always wanted into the trash, spiral into the void of mediocrity at best and misery at worst - I have some good news.
I don’t think everything in the self help industry is bad. While it can seem manipulative and oftentimes is less than a quick, simple fix, there is something profound about the self help book industry being so popular. I think it means that as a society we are trying to become more self aware of how we can be better for ourselves and for others in the world. That, in and of itself, is an incredibly genuine venture. So for everyone with a heart of gold feeling like there's more to this world than what you have right now this section is for you.
Don’t let a book tell you who you already are
It is easy to put a significant amount of trust in those who write self help as they seemingly command intellectual authority on the topic. But despite what they claim - they do not know you personally. They don’t know about your talents and strengths and quirks. They don’t know about your background and experiences, all which are vital for becoming the next best version of you. So before you pick up a self help book ready to be told what to do take a step back and think to yourself who am I right now.
Giving myself as an example is that I'm very creative, I often times am the loudest person in the room, and I have a deep conviction that genuineness is one of the most important qualities someone can have. So reading a book about How to be a Lady at the Table is simply not going to be my cup of tea. But imagine if I had grabbed that book and let it dictate my life. Not only would it not work but I would be more stressed and depressed wondering why can’t I just be like the lady who wrote this book? Because it wasn’t written for me. It was written for someone else and that is ok. In most cases.
Something I would do instead is skip over the top results of self help books and I would dig a little deeper. Lets start with the basics using me as an example. I’m a girl and I have combined-type ADHD. My goal is I want to be better about keeping a routine because recently it has been difficult for me to balance not just my daily life but also figure out how my neurodivergent mind fits into that.
Now that I have a more unique goal and a good understanding of my specific circumstance, I can go look for books for me. And look at that, I have found several books that would work especially well for me as a neurodivergent woman - written by a neurodivergent woman
You don’t have to agree with everything
Does this mean you need to avoid best sellers like the plague of course not.
On my reading list was Atomic Habits, a book that my dad raved about. And considering that he wakes up at 4:30 am every morning and goes to bed at 8:30 every night since I was a child that stuck out to me. But my dad and I are very different people. He thrives in rigid scheduling and discipline - two things that have proven to not work well with me. And with our different backgrounds being a woman in her 20s and him being a man in his 50s, I had to accept that it may not do the same thing for me as it did for him.
So I wrote myself a note before I started reading and kept it on the front page of the book to reference when things became frustrating.
Because I prepared myself for the high likelihood of this book being biased I was able to have a much better experience reading this book. I recognized things much easier than things that would definitely not work for me. And because of that I was able to hone in on the things that actually would work for me. I gave myself permission to not take it so seriously. Overall it was a decent book and I would say about 70% of it was spectacular advice specifically for me.
So now we have to answer the question, is self help actually helpful? As an ideology I believe yes, yes it is. But only when it is used wisely and so many people don't view it that way. They view it as a niche one way path that has been somehow proven by them that they've found the golden ticket. But maybe there are more golden tickets you can find in other paths.
References
Comments